The Pre-reunion stage is probably the most frightening part of a reunion. Fear of the unknown is a facet of human nature, and imaginations can run wild before the actual meeting. Here are a few tips to help you keep your feet on the ground and to survive the inevitable pre-reunion anxiety.�

For the Adoptee:

1. Don’t overplan.
2. Don’t rush into the reunion.
3. Be good to yourself and get support. Professional counseling is an excellent idea.
4. Maintain a positive self-image and a healthy independence. You will still have your job, your family and your kids after your reunion. Life will go on.
5. Be ready to look like your birth mother. Also be ready to look nothing like her. Be ready to look like someone she loves or someone she loathes.
6. Be realistic; remember no other birth relative besides your birth mother may know about you. If they do, they may not want to meet you.
7. Regardless of what happens, you will have learned a lot.

For the Birth mother:

1. Don’t overplan.
2. Monitor the pacing of your reunion.
3. Be good to yourself and get support. Professional counseling is an excellent idea.
4. Maintain a positive self-image and a healthy independence. Your life will continue as it has in the past.
5. Be ready to answer lots of questions, including those about the birth father.
6. Regardless of what happens, you will have learned a lot. For the Adoptive Parents:
7. Try to offer support without prying.
8. Remember that the adoptee is an adult. This is his/her reunion, not yours, unless you are invited.

For All:

• Be aware of your fantasies and fears. Try to keep them both to a minimum.

Reprinted with permission from Adoption Reunions, A book for Adoptee, Birth Parents and Adoptive Familiesby Michelle McColm, 1993 Second Story Press